How I Learned to Give Myself the Same Grace I Give My Loved Ones

Hannah Kane
Jul 31
4 min read

In a chaotic world, it’s easy to be supportive of our loved ones while forgetting to care for ourselves. I have faced challenges like mental health issues, trauma, and low self-esteem. More often than not, I was my own toughest critic. Learning to treat myself with the same kindness I freely share with others was not an easy journey, but it changed everything. In this post, I’d like to share insights and practical ways to practice self-compassion and extend grace to ourselves.

Understanding Self-Love and Self-Compassion

Self-love and self-compassion are often undervalued, but they play a significant role in our mental well-being. Many of us can be there for friends by listening and offering support. However, we frequently slip into negative self-talk when it comes to our own struggles. The first step to giving yourself grace is to recognize that you deserve the same nurturing you offer to others.

Consider this: research from the University of Southern California indicates that self-compassion can lead to decreased anxiety and depression. By treating ourselves with understanding and kindness, we can uplift our emotional health.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

Acknowledging your feelings is crucial when starting the journey of self-compassion. Whether you feel overwhelmed, sad, or anxious, it is important to validate those emotions instead of suppressing them.

For example, when I feel down, I might take a moment to sit with my feelings. I ask myself what I need in that moment—perhaps an ice cold drink of water or a walk with my dog. This simple practice of acknowledging feelings helps me find compassion for myself in challenging times.

Speak to Yourself Kindly

The way we communicate with ourselves can deeply impact our lives. I used to berate myself with harsh words. However, this negative self-talk only led to more pain and less motivation to grow. It had also created tension in my relationship with my husband and loved ones.

To promote self-kindness, I adopted a strategy: I began to talk to myself as I would to a friend. Whenever I catch myself in a negative thought cycle, I pause and rephrase my internal dialogue. Instead of saying, "I'm not good enough," I remind myself, "I am doing the best I can, and that is enough." This small shift has transformed how I view myself, fostering a more positive mindset.

Set Realistic Expectations

Setting high expectations can lead to feelings of inadequacy, especially if you battle low self-esteem. I often felt overwhelmed by countless tasks and found myself disappointed when I couldn't accomplish them perfectly. I had to practice not trying to be perfect, this was harder said then done.

To address this, I learned to set realistic goals. For example, instead of saying, "I need to clean the entire house today," I would focus on a single room or even just one small area. Simply breaking tasks into smaller steps and celebrating these small wins made a significant difference, enhancing my sense of accomplishment.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness has become an essential tool in my journey to self-compassion. Being present can help break free from cycles of negative thinking. Through mindfulness, I learned to face my emotions without judgment.

Incorporating mindfulness practices into my daily life has been valuable. I engage in activities like using my 5 senses and deep breathing exercises to ground myself. During these moments, I remind myself that it’s perfectly okay to feel lost at times. Practicing mindfulness enables me to observe my emotions while keeping them from overwhelming me.

Create a Self-Care Routine

Establishing a self-care routine has dramatically improved my mental health. Self-care is different for everyone. It is vital to discover what works best for you.

For me, self-care includes both physical and mental nurturing. I dedicate time each week to activities that bring joy, like reading a good book or enjoying nature. Developing this routine has reinforced the idea that I deserve time for my well-being. I have always been the caretaker of others in any relationship, I learned I needed to have that same level of care for myself.

Surround Yourself with Supportive People

A good support system is essential for practicing self-compassion. I learned to connect with those who uplift and inspire me instead of individuals who reinforce negative thoughts.

When I prioritized self-love, I found it easier to confide in trusted friends, loved ones or your therapist. Sharing my struggles led to support, empathy, and a safe space to express my feelings. This encouragement has been invaluable in my journey toward self-grace.

Challenge Negative Beliefs

Many of us carry negative beliefs about ourselves that are hard to let go of. These beliefs often stem from childhood experiences or societal pressures. It took a lot of time and an intense mindset change, but I began to confront these limiting thoughts about myself.

By writing down my negative beliefs and analyzing their origins, I learned to differentiate truth from perception. I discovered that many of these thoughts were not facts but rather misguided ideas. Replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations (or if you are spiritual then uplifting bible verses) has gradually altered my mindset for the better.

The Journey of Self-Compassion

Learning to give yourself the same grace you extend to loved ones is an ongoing journey. It requires patience, practice, and a willingness to question established beliefs. By acknowledging your feelings, engaging in kind self-talk, setting realistic expectations, practicing mindfulness, creating self-care routines, and surrounding yourself with supportive people, you can foster a sense of self-love and compassion.

As I progress on this path, I remind myself that stumbling is normal and sometimes part of the journey; what matters is the decision to keep moving forward. We all deserve grace; let's learn to give it to ourselves as we do for those who matter most in our lives.

Through these practices, you too can learn to treat yourself with the compassion and kindness you deserve. Remember, giving yourself grace is not just important but a crucial part of self-love.

Now go give yourself a hug or simply pat yourself on the back. I believe in you, so should you! You've Got This!